Recipes

Put 1 1/4 C of sugar and 1 C of heavy cream in a pan and bring to a boil.

Reduce heat and simmer for 5 minutes, stirring it every now and then so it doesn’t boil all over hell and back.

Meanwhile chop 5 squares of unsweetened chocolate to toss in the pan once you’ve removed it from the heat.

Stir until the chocolate has completely dissolved.

Whittle in a stick of butter and then when that’s melted, follow it up with 1 teaspoon of vanilla.

Resist the urge to lick the spoon at this point because those tongue blisters would take a month to heal.

Napalm is napalm, no matter how sweet it might taste.

Put the pan in the refrigerator and go take a cold shower.

When the icing is cold, beat the hell out of it with an electric mixer or a wooden spoon.

Now you can ice that cake, if you bothered to make a cake.