Recipes

I saw a chef on television

Make a dish called Wiener Schnitzel

And what he had to tell us

Was a time consuming ritual

Most of the work he'd done before

He ever got on the air

For he pulled out a tray of pork loins

So thin they would almost tear

He told us they come one inch thick

And he'd pounded them down to a quarter

We never got to see him clobber

The loins to make them shorter

I went out and bought the boneless chops

And yes they were one inch thick

By the time I pounded one of them

The violence made me sick

It also took me seven minutes

To make it a quarter inch

And I had five more loins to pound

I was really in a pinch

I put the loins in zip lock bags

I didn't have to go very far

For I lay them down in the drive-way

And backed over them with the car

To my delight, the meat smashed down

In the time it takes to sneeze

And from that day on I've used my car

As a prep-chef if you please

For in a craze of creativity

I thought of other foods

My sturdy Michelin tires

Could turn into processed goods

Graham crackers smash up nicely

Into crumbs for chocolate pies

Nuts can be chopped when needed

And tough meats can be tenderized

The bottom line is simple

And I've taken it to heart

God bless my little SUV

It's replaced my Cuisinart